Truth & Lies

“It’s all a misunderstanding,” Leni Riefenstahl admitted. “I only had a mad crush on Adèle Fitler.” 

Czech Cheers

The Czech Public Health Ministry was in a panic, scientists could not tell them what was going on, perhaps the atmosphere, perhaps acid rain, perhaps colorants and preservatives in the food chain, but statistics showed the country was stricken by a public health problem of epidemic proportions. Kidney disease on the rise and having been for some years, reaching double and even tripple the levels of neighboring Germany and Poland.

But in an ostensibly unrelated story the Czech Republic was also very proud of its national beers, promoting brands like Urquell and (real) Budweiser as the healthiest Pilsner libations anyone could export, brewed with help from pure Bohemian source water and centuries old hop growing techniques, by law forbidding additives of any sort, assuring timeless quality etc.

In fact, a previous Czech Public Health Minister in his zeal and rather demonstratively at one point announcing that people with kidney problems and on doctors orders could get up to 1 liter a day and cure themselves by drinking the stuff on their State Medical Insurance card, proving his point about the excellence of Czech beer conclusively and proudly, he thought.

Well, needless to say after word leaked out that they could drink on the Government, every rummy in town and countless other winos bribed their physician into writing out a prescription for kidney related problems, including the urgent administration of the aforementioned medicine, and up to the full 1 liter daily, of course.

It is obvious then that the clever Czechs have no Republican Party to spoil the fun, and that statistics are as useless as tits on a bull, or that scientists forever look in the wrong direction for whatever it is that ails the planet and the populace.

But Heavens, please keep them all stupid, so that even lowlifes have a life, poor sods!

O New Guinea!

And talking about taking a big, I mean a BIG, chance!

Papuan Roulette is getting a blowjob from a cannibal (girl).

Iran Away

Mahmoud! Don’t move the blankets, his wife shouted in desperate Farsi. But it was too late and probably the parsely, already turned, letting one more different spelling go.

O China! (Bis)

And speaking of lip service: Empress Wu Hu of the Tang dynasty insisted her dignitaries, including all foreign ambassadors, pay her and her fertility homage by performing respectful cunnilingus on her as she placed her exposed genitals on a special wooden elevation, set up for the occasion in the Imperial lobby.

Ambassador no. 22 one afternoon, from a country that shall go unnamed, and more of a cunning linguist than anything, not surprisingly becoming unwell. And forced to resign, receiving a quick discharge, though clearly not from her.

Tracts

A Russian acquaintance of mine is an urologist.

I don’t know what part of the Urals he specializes in, but I do know he moved back to Moscow in April.

Cobb’s Jolt

     - Cobb’s hurting!

    – What happened?  

   - He got struck by her wallet!

  - Was it full?

  – Yes, or he wouldn’t have been struck by it!

(fragment from my play, see literary site)

Belief

All right! spake Nietzsche. I believe in God on the condition that He’ll dance for me! To which Diaghilev added Yes, Do astonish me… and Béjart said… Amen!

Excuses

If you hadn’t let him in, I wouldn’t have slept with him!

(Arletty, the French actress, to her accusers, about having had a scandalous affair with a Nazi Luftwaffe general, in occupied Paris, during the the Second World War)

Texans

Headlines tell us Houston has elected the first openly gay mayor in its history. It is not reported how open she gets.