STARLITE TALENT AGENTS CORP.
11000 WHITESHIT BOULEVARD
For a new police/detective CSI type action show, we seek talent that
-Must look 22 yrs old and not break up laughing when addressed as Doctor or Chief Pathologist
-Must have hair remaining in place come rain, shine, crashed, shot, burned, bombed, near drowned or whatever
-Must have characterless, photogenic facial features with the emotional depth of a frying pan
– No acting technique required, with the body language of a lumberjack, and please don’t stammer: Stanislavski was a Methodist
-Be able to state the understood over and over again, explaining the obvious to a counterpart who plays the apparently stupid expert
-Submit your résumé, including photograph and contact details if you think you have what it doesn’t take.
-Auditions are planned for early June.
-Remember our mission statement: The dumber the better: Good Luck
So this call girl I know with a slight speech defect, joined a Golf Club to pick up some business.
And she didn’t do badly!
The first time she played a round, she scored a couple of Bars and three Fogeys.
I’ve never been so fucking happy in my life, existence too kind to me.
I went out to celebrate deep into the night. Everyone suspicious of me buying rounds:
who is this nutcase? But I just couldn’t help myself, wanting to share my joy, spreading it.
It is not often I get this privilege, the last one when WWII ended, the event of a lifetime,
a kind I and so many others pray for every day.
And thanks Media, thanks for breaking the news, for carrying the announcement,
for obeying your selfless inner-voice, distributing not only catastrophic but also glorious news.
The only cruelty in all of this is, having to wait 2 full hard years before becoming part of the epiphany.
I don’t know what I’m going to do till then, mope, starve, stamp, bang my head against the wall,
but I’ll try and remain courageous, as you must.
Barbra, Barbra, bar-bra, I know, modesty your name, but do you really have to wait till 2017
with your autobiography.
After all, there’s so very, very little to tell…
The Russian has never done it, making sure he is always wronged.
(brutal, complex ridden, waving ICBMs, naturally)
So huge military parades an absolute must.
Putin, owner of primitive impulses, is addicted to pride, in fact he has it for sale,
a dealer, getting everyone at home hooked on it. Too bad he’s un-addicted to truth,
for on one end national pride is a convenient weapon, but on the other a tool of
manipulated tyranny over its own people, with disavowal often considered treason
and punishable by liquidation.
By the way, Mr Putin, Russia is not under any threat, NATO not there to attack
anyone, but invited in to protect small nations that for 60 years were forced to live
in your hell, and saying ‘Never Again’.
Is that so hard to understand? What would you do, had you been born in Warsaw or Prague?
Anyway, we all know that exaggerated patriotism is the expression of a fundamental lack of individual self-esteem.
And of course the last refuge of the scoundrel.
Most of us get tears in our eyes when we listen to Rachmaninoff.
Putin, the poor, impoverished sop, gets tears in his eyes when a motorcycle gang drives by, with a large Russian flag on board.
When read in Spanish the name of the Mamas & the Papas singing group, and why it was such a hit in Latin America, is the Tits & Potatoes.
Or Areolas & Chips.
A whole new concept in hash browns!
Soccer is a game whereby a team has 11 players trying to put the ball into the other’s net, and Germany must win.
Dialectic Materialism is the philosophical investigation into the process of the opposing forces of reality, whereby the Communist Party stays on top.
So this cannibal opened a fresh skull, and asked his girlfriend:
” D’you wand a piece of mind?”
” The dick’s on me!” she said.
I didn’t know, but this CNN guy Richard Quest has a twin brother.
So I said to him, Richard, we don’t see your brother Onry much!?
And he said, you have to ask for him….