FORE!

 

 

 

So this call girl I know with a slight speech defect, joined a Golf Club to pick up some business.

 

And she didn’t do badly!

 

The first time she played a round, she scored a couple of Bars and three Fogeys.

 

DERISORY GIRL

I’ve never been so fucking happy in my life, existence too kind to me.

I went out to celebrate deep into the night. Everyone suspicious of me buying rounds:

who is this nutcase? But I just couldn’t help myself, wanting to share my joy, spreading it.

 

It is not often I get this privilege, the last one when WWII ended, the event of a lifetime,

a kind I and so many others pray for every day.

 

And thanks Media, thanks for breaking the news, for carrying the announcement,

for obeying your selfless inner-voice, distributing not only catastrophic but also glorious news.

 

The only cruelty in all of this is, having to wait 2 full hard years before becoming part of the epiphany.

 

I don’t know what I’m going to do till then, mope, starve, stamp, bang my head against the wall,

but I’ll try and remain courageous, as you must.

 

Barbra, Barbra, bar-bra, I know, modesty your name, but do you really have to wait till 2017

with your autobiography.

 

After all, there’s so very, very little to tell…

 

 

 

NOTHING CHANGES IN RUSSIA

The Russian has never done it, making sure he is always wronged.

(brutal, complex ridden, waving ICBMs, naturally)

So huge military parades an absolute must.

Putin, owner of primitive impulses, is addicted to pride, in fact he has it for sale,

a dealer, getting everyone at home hooked on it. Too bad he’s un-addicted to truth,

for on one end national pride is a convenient weapon, but on the other a tool of

manipulated tyranny over its own people, with disavowal often considered treason

and punishable by liquidation.

By the way, Mr Putin, Russia is not under any threat, NATO not there to attack

anyone, but invited in to protect small nations that for 60 years were forced to live

in your hell, and saying ‘Never Again’.

Is that so hard to understand? What would you do, had you been born in Warsaw or Prague?

Anyway, we all know that exaggerated patriotism is the expression of a fundamental lack of individual self-esteem.

And of course the last refuge of the scoundrel.

TEARS

Most of us get tears in our eyes when we listen to Rachmaninoff.

Putin, the poor, impoverished sop, gets tears in his eyes when a motorcycle gang drives by, with a large Russian flag on board.

Bon Appétit!

 

When read in Spanish the name of the Mamas & the Papas singing group, and why it was such a hit in Latin America, is the Tits & Potatoes.

 

 

 

Or Areolas & Chips.

 

 

A whole new concept in hash browns!

 

 

 

FIX!

 

Soccer is a game whereby a team has 11 players trying to put the ball into the other’s net, and Germany must win.

 

Dialectic Materialism is the philosophical investigation into the process of the opposing forces of reality, whereby the Communist Party stays on top.

 

Last Supper

 

 

So this cannibal opened a fresh skull, and asked his girlfriend:

 

 

” D’you wand a piece of mind?”

 

 

” The dick’s on me!” she said.

 

 

All in a Name

 

I didn’t know, but this CNN guy Richard Quest has a twin brother.

So I said to him, Richard, we don’t see your brother Onry much!?

And he said, you have to ask for him….

 

What If

What if… the brain is like a face, pretty, ugly, elongated or puffed, skin marked or not, loose or tight, of colour indistinct, wrinkles deep, nose pointed, dull, long, short, chin double or tight, lips large, thin, ears flat, wide, eyes oblique, dark, myopic, below brows bushy, frown sudden, smile furtive, muscles of laughter relaxed, uncertain or fake, cheeks hollow, teeth not stained, but uneven,  gums pink, jaw sunk, suddenly jutted in ways undefined, hair patched, black, brown, blond on grey turf, memory inscribed long ago, opinions caked with acts to match, whether it is night or day, dry or wet, hot or cold?

 

Or more like a landscape, a voyage in it, through it, on it, in which case desert, forest, marsh, plain, mountain range, ocean, beach, ice field, a river, a lake?

 

Would it help any navigating our fellow, our selves, circumventing calamity,

 

heartbreak?

 

Bolero

 

CLAUDE DEBUSSY totally unRAVELled poor MAURICE

 

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