Archive for June, 2011|Monthly archive page

JFK’s Condom

Americans are fine people who tend to be linguistically challenged. To wit John F. Kennedy who did a good job in the summer of 1963 exhorting Ich Bin Ein Berliner in support of the still Soviet trapped population of West-Berlin.

It was a great morale booster that had far reaching effect. But when he flew on to Paris, still riding a high, he would enthusiastically repeat this rousing mantra, even while adjusting it however, forgetting to switch language.

Ich Bin Ein Pariser he shouted from the balcony of de Hotel de Ville down to the delirious crowd, merely switching the word Berliner with the word Pariser.

In fact in German saying: I am a Condom!

Yes, and I’m a toothbrush!

Fortunately the French also failing to catch on!

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World Champ

I told my son to include in his CV that he is the reigning World Champion: Men’s 7 meter Free Style Swimming.

Companies always enquire about additional interests, experience, character building activities, competitiveness etc beyond  immediate qualifications.

“But Dad, I’m no swimming champ, I can’t do that!”

” Yes you can! Because all the others swim right by you at this point, but for those first 7 out of 200 meters you are World Champ, boy!”

” True, I wouldn’t be lying, not really, would I!”

What a kid! What a promise! I tell yah, in this world you gotta know how to swim!

That’s all.

Message to a Syrian Soldier

If you’re in the Syrian army or security forces and you don’t like what’s going on, if you must be seen to shoot or will be shot, why not aim a little higher and shoot over heads.

The crowd will get the message, know it has a friend and ease though not give up. But more importantly your commanding officer thinks you’re doing a great job, the one keeping track of your shooting and reporting back to the ones really responsible for the state of your nation, the ones cynically applauding and cheering your pathetic, jawless President.

Why not try it, eventually crossing over, so tomorrow you’ll have a truly great job!?

Shoot the day, not innocence.

Or turn right round, then shoot.

Speed things up!

Tits & Potatos

Remember the pop group The Mamas & the Papas, way back then?

Once you get successful and go international though you might have to worry about what your name means abroad.

For Mamas are also breasts in Spanish, and Papas potatos in many Latin countries…

Would you think it cool, singing along with Tits & Potatos anytime soon?

Or has this already become Orthopedic Rock?

Insane Logic

Some people think it’s all right to murder, as long as you believe strongly enough in something that has nothing to do with the people you kill.

EURO

I wrote this a year ago. It will be repeated every year, I fear:

Discipline Lost

        Posted May 20, 2010
Filed under: Culture, Ethics, Politics | Tags: |

The European Union is installing boulevard-wide mirrors in the streets of Athens, so the crowd can demonstrate and riot against itself. For years pilferage, not an individual sense of proportion and duty, having been on the menu in most Greek households, corporate or government offices.

At any rate with 11 million inhabitants and a miniscule economy out of a population of 450 million for the rest of Europe, how can Greece really endanger the Euro? Isn’t this thing over-hyped as usual? Even adding Portugal with 10 million and Ireland with 4 million inhabitants and all with a work ethic that can best be described as wanting, can they really ‘endanger’ the Euro? Any more than Missouri, Michigan and Maryland determine the value of the Dollar?

Come on rating guys and currency manipulators, get real!

Just admit you live off fear and ominous tidings.

Ambulance chasers is what you are!

Closely trailed by the breathless financial press!

Pakistan Again

I posted this exactly a year ago:

        Posted June 13, 2010
Filed under: Current Events, Politics |

There appear to be three Pakistans, each with three different agendas that can all be accused of many triple dealings and still produce many in authority quite able to indignantly and rightfully deny.. everything.

But while otherwise remaining mostly silent, these same leaders must know something about what’s really going on in their own backyard or risk getting painted as stupid and incompetent.

Pakistan as such, it seems then, has only circular control.

Which is bad, but also it is probably best… this circle doesn’t get broken.

This was then, but nothing has changed. North Korea resembling it somewhat. The ruling gang there having no qualms about starving and abusing its own people. Armed to the teeth and acting crazy to scare others off: it is not crazy, it is cold calculation, not madness, acting out it is mentally deranged and making a sterling Oscar job of it. But now, 2011, I’ve come to the conclusion that Pakistan’s main obsession also is deliberate, India not about to attack it, never will, and having nothing to gain from such a misadventure. Who gains from this scenario are disingenuous power cliques in this miserably twisted country. Their age old trick: hang on to your privileges while others have nothing, by creating and nurturing an aggressive enemy. (Patriotism always the scoundrel’s last resort). This keeping the money flowing where it has no business flowing, to the military, the police, the security apparatus, those having everything to gain from carefully watched insecurity, unruliness, tribal strife and what have you. Building up equitable industry, manufacturing, grass roots wealth, are you kidding? God will provide, and we’ll make sure nothing moves except the useful idiots in our border territories and our religious freaks. Afghanistan: we have to unsettle it and so control it, because you see, India wants to colonize it and surround us. Kashmir? It is ours, ours, ours because we have nothing better to do than plot. Corruption? It’s endemic as real honour doesn’t count for much here. It’s land that counts, how much of it, and the uniforms on top of it. This will teach the world next door a thing or two about us. And what’s needed, many more parades and proud nuclear bombs to scare off the spoilers.

All this not paranoia, as was thought, but pretend fear, instead… shifty, opportunistic classcraft!

By all three Pakistans.

Or more!

Turkey To Invade Syria

Subtitle: In Turkey We Trust

That this country will join the European Union is a historical inevitability, more, it is a historical imperative.

I wrote this in 2005 about Turkey. I never understood particularly France’s objections to let it enter the EU. My personal dealings with Turks have been worthy, on both sides. I have nothing against Turks and I’m glad to see that they’re doing well. I do hope they won’t set the clock back and remain a secular nation.

Insofar as the Nation/State will be around for at least a few more centuries, before all borders get blurred and iron-fisted federalists become a disappearing species, I think it behoves Turkey to reestablish a firm regional presence. It’ll offset lunatic Iranian dreams and free their immediate Arab neighbours of tribal and sectarian internecine bloodbaths. In fact the only hope Syria and the whole region have is if Turkey invades it and cleanses it of its murderers. It relieves Israel of an enemy, so it can finally settle with the Palestinians once throwbacks to peace like Netanyahu are out of office. It’ll stabilize the entire area, introducing true Arab capitalism and plurality once and for all. Yes, sometimes history HAS to repeat itself so evolution spreads its enlightened wings, and going back to a short period of repeat Ottoman empire only so Turkey bestows all it learned over the last century on its unruly, backward sibling, not a bad idea.

Even the Kurds may learn a lesson or two about behaving like a responsible minority enjoying a semi-autonomous status without getting ideas of splitting up Anatolia or Iraq, in order to get an undisputed homeland.

For what is a homeland on an integrated planet, but a meadow unseen yet inspiring everyone?

Jobs

I  think the Whitehouse is too involved with the the BIG picture.

They forget that the SMALL picture is the BIG picture.

There should have been a SMALL bail out, next to the BIG bail outs, and just as much attention too SMALL business as to BIG business: what was missing all along was a sense of balance.

Names

A real life BBC reporter researching and producing a radio segment on the supposed deterioration of human sperm. Her name: Judy Swallow!

And now a US politician named Anthony Weiner, in deep shit because of lewd gadget approaches: particularly when active in public life, wouldn’t you have attempted to change your name a long time ago?

I mean this guy’s steamed, isn’t he? And grilled!

Or else imagine being a girl, named Rosemary Twat!

Wouldn’t this be a name to change, rather forthwith?

On the other hand the New York law firm  of Weiner & Twat, would probably work overtime!

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