Archive for the ‘Nutrition’ Category

Last Supper

 

 

So this cannibal opened a fresh skull, and asked his girlfriend:

 

 

” D’you wand a piece of mind?”

 

 

” The dick’s on me!” she said.

 

 

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Music

 

-My wife wants a private bathroom, lest someone can hear her!

 

-She plays the Bowl?

 

– Like Glenn Miller!

 

– She does Glenn Millers?

 

– Not to say Kai Windings!

 

– So, more than a good ear!

 

– You can say that again!

 

A Fitting Question

 

If Chris Christie should make it to lead the USA, will he become known as the oval president?

 

A snug fit for his office?

 

 

Pardon me, Ma’m

When I asked this woman for a jowblob, she slapped me in the face. But how was I to know both of us are dyslexic?

 

Download Anthony Steyning’sterrific E-novel: A Kiss by the Clowns

Winds of Fate

When I was younger I convinced my children that each time her dog barked represented a signal their grandmother had just farted.

 

Of course when we visited and sat in her garden, people would pass by and her dog would grunt sotto voce, then jump up and bark without fail.

 

Whereupon the kids would look at me in a conspiring sort of way and I rolled my eyes, nodding away.

 

Then they would look at a lady who to this day doesn’t understand why every time her dog barked they howled with laughter, run as far as they could.

 

Poor thing!

 

 It wasn’t anything that she ate.

 

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Clazy Plicks!

Last year around this time, I posted this:

 

Tell me it isn’t true: A Chinese friend of mine here in southern Spain wants to open a restaurant he threatens to call, The Wok of Gibraltar

 

Now his cheeky nextdoor neighbour Richard is menacing to open a steak house, called Angus Dei…

 

Download Anthony Steyning’s international intrigue E-novel: A Kiss by the Clowns

On The Wagon

So the deep, submarine Harry’s Bar just opened its doors. Its owner Harry Hammerhead was tidying up, getting ready for the day, it was noon, a deep-sea diver sat at the end of the bar, his head and helmet resting on his fore arms, he was sound asleep,  he had spent the entire night there, but Harry didn’t mind, he was a quiet sort who drank too much. When a Big White dropped in, and Harry asked ‘What’ll it be, Joe?’, with the large one answering , ‘ I don’t feel so great. I’m not gonna touch the stuff today! Just gimme a glass of water…!’

 

Download Anthony Steyning’s fabulous E-Book: A Kiss by the Clowns

 

Inconsistencies (II)

– Genetically manipulated food protesters thinking nothing of eating pitless grapes

– Free range chickens laying stamped, date-marked eggs as if they had a minuscule printer up their ass

– Green party legislators going to work in their BMWs, warped of perception but straight of face

Download Anthony  Steyning’s E-Novel: A Kiss by the Clowns

Czech Cheers

The Czech Public Health Ministry was in a panic, scientists could not tell them what was going on, perhaps the atmosphere, perhaps acid rain, perhaps colorants and preservatives in the food chain, but statistics showed the country was stricken by a public health problem of epidemic proportions. Kidney disease on the rise and having been for some years, reaching double and even tripple the levels of neighboring Germany and Poland.

But in an ostensibly unrelated story the Czech Republic was also very proud of its national beers, promoting brands like Urquell and (real) Budweiser as the healthiest Pilsner libations anyone could export, brewed with help from pure Bohemian source water and centuries old hop growing techniques, by law forbidding additives of any sort, assuring timeless quality etc.

In fact, a previous Czech Public Health Minister in his zeal and rather demonstratively at one point announcing that people with kidney problems and on doctors orders could get up to 1 liter a day and cure themselves by drinking the stuff on their State Medical Insurance card, proving his point about the excellence of Czech beer conclusively and proudly, he thought.

Well, needless to say after word leaked out that they could drink on the Government, every rummy in town and countless other winos bribed their physician into writing out a prescription for kidney related problems, including the urgent administration of the aforementioned medicine, and up to the full 1 liter daily, of course.

It is obvious then that the clever Czechs have no Republican Party to spoil the fun, and that statistics are as useless as tits on a bull, or that scientists forever look in the wrong direction for whatever it is that ails the planet and the populace.

But Heavens, please keep them all stupid, so that even lowlifes have a life, poor sods!

Bottom Lines

In economics the big picture is the consumer: every economic indicator of substance has to take into account the end-user phenomenon or risk being utterly irrelevant. In politics it’s demographics.

On a world-scale, aids and malaria vanquished would vastly stimulate Third World population in the first instance, not perhaps the effect the planet objectively speaking had bargained for. That is, we simply cannot add a billion souls to the planet every decade, which is what’s been happening for the last half century. But hang on, in the second instance it has been shown and shown again that local populations actually decline when parents see children survive to take care of them in their old age. This did not happen before and led to the exaggerated and haphazard over-breeding in turn enslaving all to that other grind, the dreadful daily one i.e. too many, many mouths to fill each sunset. So that eventually and after all families did manage their birth-rates down, reducing those populations.

Furthermore, the world food supply is still adequate and anyway I will never forget the dozens of DC7 night cargo propeller flights I saw passing through Montreal’s Dorval airport where I worked the ramp at one time, loaded with free food and supplies donated by Eskimo children in northern Canada to drought caused starvation victims in Ethiopia and the horn of Africa, for that also is the brave new world.

All this meaning, one more time, that sometimes we must go in deeper before we get out of our mess, in this case disease management and population control only seemingly incompatible. Even the faith-based, pro-numerous-creation crowd itself known to decline after full economic parity is achieved. Through medical or educational breakthrough and demographic product distribution, things coming full circle.

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