Archive for the ‘Cartoons’ Tag

CASTING

STARLITE TALENT AGENTS CORP.

11000 WHITESHIT BOULEVARD

HORRORWOOD CA

 

CATTLE CALL

 

For a new police/detective CSI type action show, we seek talent that

 

-Must look 22 yrs old and not break up laughing when addressed as Doctor or Chief Pathologist

 

-Must have hair remaining in place come rain, shine, crashed, shot, burned, bombed, near drowned or whatever

 

-Must have characterless, photogenic facial features with the emotional depth of a frying pan

 

– No acting technique required, with the body language of a lumberjack, and please don’t stammer: Stanislavski was a Methodist

 

-Be able to state the understood over and over again, explaining the obvious to a counterpart who plays the apparently stupid expert

 

-Submit your résumé, including photograph and contact details if you think you have what it doesn’t take.

 

-Auditions are planned for early June.

 

-Remember our mission statement: The dumber the better: Good Luck

 

 

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Wiener

 

Here in Europe a guy with long hair and a beard, a cross between Jesus Christ

 and Rita Hayworth, attired in a dated, gold plaque long dress, won the festival

of songs of bad taste.

His name Conchita, to no one’s surprise, Conchita Sausage to be exact, or Wurst

in his native tongue. The background noise, Schubert, Mozart, Mahler and Strauss

 rolling in their graves. Because no orchestra is ever shown on the ‘live’ TV broadcast

of this yearly event, and so we must conclude that what passes for actual music

of whatever dubious quality is mostly electronic gimmickry and the voice of

 Rita Conchita in fact lip-synched.

But what the hell, the great nation of Austria is ‘proud’, and that is wonderful. Not to

 speak of Father and Mother Sausage and all the other bearded little knack-wursts.

On The Wagon

So the deep, submarine Harry’s Bar just opened its doors. Its owner Harry Hammerhead was tidying up, getting ready for the day, it was noon, a deep-sea diver sat at the end of the bar, his head and helmet resting on his fore arms, he was sound asleep,  he had spent the entire night there, but Harry didn’t mind, he was a quiet sort who drank too much. When a Big White dropped in, and Harry asked ‘What’ll it be, Joe?’, with the large one answering , ‘ I don’t feel so great. I’m not gonna touch the stuff today! Just gimme a glass of water…!’

 

Download Anthony Steyning’s fabulous E-Book: A Kiss by the Clowns

 

Fiscality

I loved this cartoon, published in a British newspaper I once picked up at an airport. It depicts a cocktail party with everbody looking at man with his foot attached to his forehead, an arm coming out of his back, his nose on his shoulders, his ear sewed to his knee, legs twisted like a vine, and so forth. Its caption was: Oh, that’s Jones! He writes our tax laws!

Horse Play

My friend Eddie the dwarf walks his pet giraffe down to the park where they play Frisbee and laugh their head off.

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