Archive for the ‘Humor’ Tag

God Save America

Me and my fellow murderers, psychopaths, hate mongers,

deranged fantasists and obscene attention seekers able to count

on self-fulfilling media coverage, wish to thank the NRA for their

unwavering support, allowing us to live our dreams and defend

ourselves against despicable monsters like fellow students, toddlers,

Catholics, Jews, Blacks, Latinos, or in general people with an accent,

or people who are brighter, work harder, have more success, and all

those others whose face we cannot stand.

 

Because the NRA understands that the gun is our brain, just like it is theirs,

especially the semi-automatic one. And that no regulation will stop us, for as

long as we can just borrow one, except when the oppressor cleverly bans

not the gun, but the bullet. In which case I guarantee you bullet trafficking will

outdo drug trafficking within months.

 

With the NRA’s unconditional support we have averaged the elimination of

30.000 enemies a year, over the past decade. But with help and devotion

there is no reason we cannot vastly improve on this number.

 

So God bless the morally corrupt and certifiably insane, because we have

what it takes.

 

Testimonial signed and agreed on between

 

Anthony Steyning & pals

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OZ

So these two friends of Dorothy’s came across one Caitlyn Jenner, and one said to the other ” Toto, I don’t think we’re in Kansas anymore!”

CASTING

STARLITE TALENT AGENTS CORP.

11000 WHITESHIT BOULEVARD

HORRORWOOD CA

 

CATTLE CALL

 

For a new police/detective CSI type action show, we seek talent that

 

-Must look 22 yrs old and not break up laughing when addressed as Doctor or Chief Pathologist

 

-Must have hair remaining in place come rain, shine, crashed, shot, burned, bombed, near drowned or whatever

 

-Must have characterless, photogenic facial features with the emotional depth of a frying pan

 

– No acting technique required, with the body language of a lumberjack, and please don’t stammer: Stanislavski was a Methodist

 

-Be able to state the understood over and over again, explaining the obvious to a counterpart who plays the apparently stupid expert

 

-Submit your résumé, including photograph and contact details if you think you have what it doesn’t take.

 

-Auditions are planned for early June.

 

-Remember our mission statement: The dumber the better: Good Luck

 

 

Bon Appétit!

 

When read in Spanish the name of the Mamas & the Papas singing group, and why it was such a hit in Latin America, is the Tits & Potatoes.

 

 

 

Or Areolas & Chips.

 

 

A whole new concept in hash browns!

 

 

 

All in a Name

 

I didn’t know, but this CNN guy Richard Quest has a twin brother.

So I said to him, Richard, we don’t see your brother Onry much!?

And he said, you have to ask for him….

 

Bolero

 

CLAUDE DEBUSSY totally unRAVELled poor MAURICE

 

HOLLYWOOD

Chavez was so anti-American, and to think Simon Bolivar’s brother Sunset became a successful rancher in southern California, where they even named a street after him. 

 

JOB SEARCH

 

– To successful Applicant: We offer you a position on the 12th floor, or on the ground floor: which will it be?!

 

 

– Looking at Interviewer: I think I opt for the below job!

 

 

Brain Disease

Kim Kardashian's Unbelievable Butt Explained: Just Oil and Great ...

 

It’s a modern affliction. When the cerebellum protrudes from the asshole and thinks of itself as beautiful. Identical to shamelessness, apparently there’s no cure but others walking away from it.

Monty Python Redux

 

Whereupon these Taliban, Al Qaeda and Isis fun guys were having a party

and spontaneously sang and whistled:

 

 

Things will turn out for the best

Always look on the bright side of…. death

 

 

(Whistle)

 

 

Yes, always look on the bright side of…. death

 

 

Tedumm

Tedumm

Tedumm

 

 

And their audience just died!

 

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